For parents & whānau

Before having a conversation, it can be helpful to reflect on your own values – and those of the people around you and your children. This can include values related to your family, culture, and community, as well as your own personal values.

Think about how you can connect these values to sexual wellbeing topics. Sharing your family values within the conversation will make it more meaningful.

For example, you could say something like:

I know you’ve been learning about relationships at school. Let’s talk about what this means in our family, because every family is different.

Approach a conversation with curiosity, rather than assumptions. This way you can get an idea of your child’s knowledge and perspective on a topic.

Use open-ended questions, like:

• What do you think about this?
• That’s an interesting view – can you tell me more about that?

Your children are learning to navigate the world. Be patient and understanding. Respect their feelings, emotions, and views – even if you don’t agree with them or if they don’t align with your family views or values.

Be mindful of how you show empathy, care, and support through your body language and your tone of voice. 

When communities work together to support young people, they're more likely to make healthy, informed choices about their sexual wellbeing. Try to build a network to support your tamariki and rangatahi by connecting with:

• their school
• other parents
• the wider community
• professionals and organisations they interact with (like youth or social workers, or sports coaches)

Instead of one big “sex talk” have short, ongoing, and simple conversations about sexual wellbeing topics. Choose relaxed, no-pressure situations, such as in the car, or when watching TV together.

Normalise talking about these topics by including them in everyday
conversation – it’s just another thing you talk about, just like you talk about friendships, schoolwork, or plans for the weekend.

Young people often worry how their parents and whānau might react – or that they might judge them – when they talk about topics relating to sexual wellbeing. 

Think about how you can create a safe and non-judgemental space to talk about these topics openly.

There's a lot of incorrect or misleading information online about sexual wellbeing topics. So it's more important than ever that you help them get factual, accurate information. 

But you don’t need to be an expert. If you don’t know the answer to a question, you can find out from reliable, trustworthy sources together.

Many parents and whānau worry about how to talk about sexual wellbeing in a way that makes sense for the age and stage of their child. Here's a great place to start:

• keep information basic and simple
• follow your child's lead
• ask questions
• bring up the topic regularly, adding more information each time

Remember, if they’re asking a question, they are probably ready to know the answer. Think about where they may get that information from if you don't talk to them about it.

Download the tips for talking handout (PDF) to help guide your conversations with young people about sexual wellbeing.

Download the guide for using this video (PDF).

Download the guide for using this video (PDF).